Home » Uncategorized » On being a spirited child…

On being a spirited child…

An open letter to teachers, care-givers and parents of spirited children everywhere:

Dear Caregiver,

I am sorry my child lay on the floor today and refused to participate in your class.  I also apologize that she further disregarded your implicit instructions pertaining to scheduled activities, not to mention more than once did exactly the opposite of what you requested.  It was unfortunate that she also had an accomplice in carrying out these distressing actions and behaviours, and I am sure these two precocious youngsters were good reason enough for convincing you to stay home in bed and to decide NOT to show up for work.  If it only were so easy a decision.

But of course it is not.  It is a tireless task: teaching, parenting, coaching, guiding, training, care-giving.  The epitome of motivating is to choose going to work each and every day only to work with children that have a mind of their own.

Just like these two impish little ingrates.  Deplorable, really.

Being the parent of spirited children is not exactly a bed of roses.  We care for children who are inbred with boundless energy, curious minds and great imagination.  (Where do they get it from?  Which parent is truly responsible for this ‘free-for-all’ of behaviors?  Is it from him?  From her?  At whom, exactly, can we point the finger?)  Parenting a spirited child is often a thankless, exhausting undertaking, the benefits of which are not realized until much, much later on in life.

These children are risk-takers: fearless, driven and determined.  They learn the hard way- never taking the given word of the adult as the law.  They must think through for themselves and try out new hypothesis.  They often have a hard time looking back, because their minds and sights are always fixed on looking forward.  On the next best thing. They run full steam ahead, often forgetting to check that the way before them is safe to travel.

Being themselves children who are spirited is also no easy task.  One defined as spirited must always be up for a challenge.  They have a harder road to travel than most.  These kids are often flagged in daycare and pre-school as troublemakers, difficult and ‘problems’.  They are square pegs trying to fit into a round world.  They are the ones asking ‘why’ when others are saying ‘yes.’  They are the ones pushing the limits when others are content to live the status quo.  And by the time these children are school-aged, they are the ones who make teachers earn their well-deserved paycheck.  And then some.

I know.  Because I am both.  I am a teacher, and I am a parent of a spirited child.

The other day, I asked my students to sit quietly while I went out to grab a bite to eat.  Upon finishing  supervision of a newspaper club over my lunch hour, I had just enough time to grab my bagged lunch and go back to class.  I asked my students to stay in their seats, only getting out for reasons defined within realistic classroom expectations.  I knew that if the boundaries were not defined, a kind of ‘free-for-all’ chaos would be my greeting on returning from my reprieve.   Although there was another adult who would be present in the room while I was gone, her time and efforts would be devoted to working with a special needs student in the room. Thus, the strict orders.   It was a test, really.  A hypothesis was formed in my mind.  What would happen while I was absent for the next five minutes?  Would the students follow my instructions?  What would be the action of my unpredictable lone star?  My little outlier?

I returned and sat down with my lunch.  The students were all quietly sitting in their seats.   And I was pleasantly surprised by how easily I had made both my exit and return.  Until one little voice interrupted the reverie.

“You know, ‘so-and-so’ got up after you left and ran a complete circle around the room,” reported the little gal.  Just because.

But of course.  I fully expected this follow-through as the result of my impromptu theory-making.  It was exactly what I thought would happen, but quietly willed would not.  But then again.  Is it not, dare I say it, a good thing?  Good in the way that one has been freed to try out a child-like experiment of sorts, within the safety of the known?  Within the constant of the classroom?  I think that this is where it all starts.   And that this is really what all great achievers do.   Push the envelope- challenging decision-makers, living vicariously, going boldly where no one has gone before.

And I can’t help but wonder.

What great and amazing things will this child do next?  And when will they decide it isn’t worth it to be a risk-taker anymore?

Sincerely and humbly written by,

A strong-willed child turned adult


3 thoughts on “On being a spirited child…

  1. Thank you. I have a spirited son struggling with the social norms of kindergarten. Two months in, and we’ve had several “inappopriate behavior” reports; yet he’s also touted as being a great child, bright, a good member of the class. You have no idea how much reading your post helped me today.

  2. Hello Lori,
    I am so happy that I have found this article. I am a mom of a 5 year old bright and spirited boy and also struggling with the school issue. I desperately need more on how to help my child thrive in school. Having a spirited child is a trying job but also extremely rewarding one. These kids can be so insightful.
    You seem to have so much experience in this area and I would like nothing more than know all that you know about raising a child like this and help him trough the school system unscaled. I do not want him to end-up believing that he is a bad boy and a trouble maker (labeled by his kindergarten teacher). I know that one day, this endless energy will be a good thing.

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